Resolving family conflicts

Provided by Seven Counties Services, Inc.

Unlike in some movies or on television, families are unique and imperfect; they often have problems that can't be solved in a matter of minutes. When problems arise in your own family, realize that while some can't be fixed overnight, many conflicts can be resolved easier and faster with communication and teamwork.

• Hold family meetings that conclude with an agreed resolution. Once or twice a month, set a time for your family to openly and civilly express their concerns about issues pertaining to the family. When each issue has been discussed, give everyone the opportunity to offer suggestions for a resolution. End the family meeting with an agreement by everyone to implement some changes.
  
• Communicate effectively. Despite how well family members know each other, realize that family members are not mind readers. Speak freely but respectfully when telling them how you feel, and then listen to their response. You cannot fully understand their perspective until you really listen and not just hear.
• No name-calling. For example, rather than calling your children messy, tell them to clean up after themselves. By clearly indicating changes you want made, and not degrade them, you can prevent your family from feeling verbally attacked and offended.
• Make time for each other. Problems often arise from a lack of a bond or relationship with your family. Set a time for everyone to get together and play. Plan a barbecue, go to an amusement park, or have a game night. Giving your family a few hours a week to build and enhance the relationship is invaluable and could possibly prevent future arguments.
• Set distinct roles. Before getting angry about an incomplete task, ask yourself if you even assigned the task. Give each family member a certain role or chore to maintain on a regular basis. For example, assign your children to dishwashing and your spouse to cleaning the kitchen after dinner. When they know what is expected of them, they are better able to accommodate the needs of the family.

Acknowledge that your family is unique. Each family is composed of different personalities and different relationships. Therefore, there are several ways for families to pursue conflict resolution. Find what works best for your family, and stick to that.