Understanding and coping with a teenager

Provided by Seven Counties Services, Inc.

To a teenager, everything seems important. Appearance, individuality, and freedom are the pinnacles of life at the time. As a parent, dealing with a teenager requires much patience and tolerance. But with the right tools, you'll be able to cope with your teenager during what can be a turbulent time.

The foundation of a parent/child relationship is effective communication. Although teens may try to push you away, it is your job to be involved in their lives, from knowing about their friends and interests to understanding their fears and ambitions. Beyond communicating, you should listen to your teen. You may not always be able to help, but it is essential that teens know that they can turn to their parent(s) to be heard without fear of being judged.

Learn to respect their individuality. Maturing during the teen years is a time of self-discovery and exploration. You may not agree with the clothing style or their music, but making these decisions help shape who teens are as people. By suppressing their individuality, teens can become more rebellious and can desire what you dislike even that much more.

Try not to take their harsh words personally. Teenage years notoriously are associated with conflict and rebellion. When you ask how your teens' day was and they reply "fine," or are a bit on edge, give them some time to relax and then try talking to them. Most likely, you are not the cause of their attitude, but because you are there, you are the recipient. Take this into consideration and move forward.

Some issues, including your teens' attire, musical taste, and typical disdain for all things healthy, cannot be changed through incessant arguments. Therefore, pick your battles carefully. By nitpicking at these issues, teens will feel attacked and continue the behavior, sometimes at an even greater degree simply out of spite. By allowing teens to make their own decisions, they can feel more responsible and independent while knowing that their parents trust them enough to respect decisions that are safe, legal, and, in the long run, truly problematic to no one.

Don't try to be your teen's friend. Respect their budding maturity and independence, but don't forget your first and foremost role is as a parent. Blurring the line of friend and parents sometimes can cause your teens to rebel more because of lack of a distinct parental role. Walk the fine line of confidant and parent.

Realize that the rebellion and the attitude are temporary. Teen rebellion usually starts at ages 12 to 14, and may continue for two to six years. With a definite end in sight, know that your sweet, loving children who may be hidden by a pursuit of self-reliance eventually will come back-with more experience and wisdom.